Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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