his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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