Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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