these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
