So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't make out with my wife yet
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
