Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
