like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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