you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
