when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
