You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
