Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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