Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
