well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
