If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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