You're my little dorito
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
