you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
