you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dicks are not precious.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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