I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
