The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
