We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
