I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
