ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
