I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
