i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
