What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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