I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
