I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
