Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
