Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
