you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
