are you so shy because you have an std?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
