That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
