I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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