when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
