You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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