We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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