I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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