Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
