btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
