Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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