onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
