I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
