guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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