went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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