Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
