Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
