dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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