I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
