She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
