HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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