Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
